Sherina's Hip Hip Life

Duh, what a day… dari pagi pegi opis… then bla bla bla… ptg…Then went to Midvelley, meet my BFF and went home. Now… save and sound… at my bed.. haha.

Actually I dunno where to start at 1st place. But I think, there is something extra ordinary form me today. Maybe I do sensing (maybe this is the most suitable word or it’s just a new word I created just now or I should get some award from that… I dunno.. )

While i’m driving to Midvalley to meet Ms. “Name-I-should-not-say-here-coz-she-know-who-she-is” or Ms. L (bukan nama sebenar), and having a lot of time for myself, I’ve been thinking a lot of things apart from cursing jammed at Federal Highway… Suddenly, I realize my hands typing some kind of SMS to someone.. but I just can’t remember who. Looking back at that SMS, it sounds like this :

“Sayang, sayang xnak baby ke?”

Damn! Send it to Mr Hubby. Suddenly I think my subconscious mind do what it has to do… Yes, I’ve been thinking a lot of things recently, but this is definitely not in the picture, AT ALL COST! The reason is simple. As per what Doctor has consulted me previously a month before I get married, I’m not fit enough to have a baby at the 1st or 2nd year of marriage, and the most ultimate, power holding or you call what ever you want to call it, I’m not ready. There, I say it out loud.

Seems like, I’m not good with kids. Maybe, I donno… Or it’s just my feeling.

Having a child of your own is a big responsibility. You can’t do it by yourself, it takes me and my spouse together all the way. But rather somehow, I have a BIG hesitation bout this. Don’t get me wrong, I got a very wonderful husband that you can’t imagine at all. It’s just, I can’t see things going to workout with both of us. But out of sudden, at the same time, I’ve been thinking, we not getting any younger, maybe it’s time for me to start a family.

While my parents and my in law’s never ask me at all (I think maybe they do understand this has to do with my sickness, thus they never ask anything about this) there’s also 1 thing that come to my intention. Its almost 3 years now, and he didn’t even once mention bout this. It’s have been a big question mark for myself. Does he ready? Do he ever think bout this? Why he doesn’t want to discuss bout this with me? Bla bla bla… All of things, 1 question after another come and come and come.

Seems like, I’ve to discuss 1 by 1 with Mr Hubby, otherwise I wont get the answer I’m looking for.

If you ask what is the answer of that SMS, what can I say is, it’s a good respond.

Well, maybe this is a best time for me to have a family. Maybe this is the sign that I’m ready.

The force has spoken! Haha…