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Makan pengat sendri mau ingat!

Arrrgghhhhh….. Hm… I don’t feel like doing my work… laalalala…. I am so lazy till i don’t want to do my work.

Got interview session with Inti College and RCG today. Haih…. I am hoping I can get Inti College. Sound’s interesting.

Nowadays my job getting bored and bored. Haih… tak enjoy mcm dulu la. Susah nak dpt enjoyment skarang ni walaupun takde orang kacau kau keje.

Esok kena datang office plak. haih… letih laaa…..

P/S : Isnin ade 2nd interview ngan RCG. Cam ne?


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Lebih Teruk dr burung murai!!!!!

Hari ni kena keje… Ganti cuti raya… keserabutan duduk opis ari sabtu… But then there is still a lot of work to do… fortunate for few, unfortunate for majority, have to work on weekend… arrrghhhh tensi….

Hm… i just wonder why, sesetengah orang bulan puasa ni tak reti nak cakap bila perlu. Asik la membebel tak tentu pasal… Every single thing, membebel… this and that… membebel…

I wonder if that person do realise we all in ramadhan season..

Haih…. Jiwa duduk opis ngan orang mcm ni….

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A comeback!!!! Or not?

Damn… dah lama gile tak menulis kan? hari ni terasa nak menulis plak… ahahahha… Skrg ni kerja tgh byk… dah meroyan mcm org gile kat opis, from CA, to FM, to CM back to CA and now kena loan 2 weeks to recruitment team. Dah abes pusing 1 company…

Not much to say, now, i am enjoying my work. Nampak mcm ridiculous je keje aku ni…. but, i do admit, i enjoy my work sometimes, but then, there is times, i think this job, now, just not suitable for me. But then, sometimes, i have a lot of fun doing my work, at least, i didnt do same thing everyday.

Recently masa buat recruitment, i’ve been so busy till i don’t even have time to spent for myself…. I hate when i dont have time to spent for myself. Coz, sampai satu tahap, what ever i do, will go wrong. I am going to make myself look like a fool. Sampai satu tahap, bila difikir – fikirkan balik, it’s sound not only funny, and its sounds ridiculous too.

Dah la tension about recruitment since morning, tak cukup rehat, and pressure from boss and work, and also from caller, turn out to be, balik lambat ari tu, i guess around 9.30 PM from office. Wow!!, 12 hours of working! cool!!! Sblm tu my “Kiki Lala” (that’s what my boss call her) bought me McD. my fav, GCB… tak sempat nak makan, bawak balik rumah….

sampai umah, refresh myself, turun nak makan….
Can you imagine, while i am eating my GCB, i am crying…. mcm air sungai mengalir…. sedu sedan tgk White Collar season 2!!!!! then still continue makan!!!!, siap tambah sos! Minum sprite!!! but still crying!!!!
Touching lebey!!!!!!! who’s crying while watching White Collar! and while eating burger?

Not only that, baru nak main my iPad games, i realize my game has lost all details.. mcm kena delete… but then, i called my hubby and ask… he said he didnt do anything…
Cry again…. and mumbling… and cry again….

I think… and i realize. I am under high stress. I have to stop this.
The only thing i learn is, what ever u do, u have to and know how to control your stress. If not, u will go crazy.

i am going crazy, bit by bit.
well, this is life.
full of color, crazy is 1 of the colour i guess.

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Good Girl Gone Bad

Sometimes when I keep thinking bout something, I will keep thinking bout it over and over again, until I solve this problem. But, sometimes, there is a few problems you can’t just solve by in an instant.

As an example, something that involved a person. I don’t want people to say i’m overreacting towards something that many people think it’s just a joke. But for me, you are responsible of your own action, what you say and what you do. Including, what you write.

I am a very typical person from 1 side, liberal from other side, outspoken from different side, and also can be a sarcastic and cynical most of the time.

I do remembered someone said to me, you no need a single cent to do a deed, a good things, because you will feel good about it for a very long time without asking for anything in return, but to do bad things will cost you a lot then you can imagine, people around you, your life and living, your money and most of all yourself”. Well, at the 1st place, i just kept in mind, but now i do understand.

I’m a good person by nature, so does everybody. I don’t want to use my “Evil card” as I can’t even remember when and where last time I use it, or I put it, what I know is, it’s been well kept somewhere, safe and sound.

what can i advice is, beware, alert and please considerate when you write something on others wall. You might hurt someone with your writing either you realize it or not. As a popular quotes, ” A picture worth a thousand words” same goes on what you write. Is like Malay’s famous proverb “Mata pena itu lebih tajam dari pisau”.

With that, you might hurt someone really really bad, deep down, without you even notice it. Good job.

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The Good, The bad and The Fish?

Duh, what a day… dari pagi pegi opis… then bla bla bla… ptg…Then went to Midvelley, meet my BFF and went home. Now… save and sound… at my bed.. haha.

Actually I dunno where to start at 1st place. But I think, there is something extra ordinary form me today. Maybe I do sensing (maybe this is the most suitable word or it’s just a new word I created just now or I should get some award from that… I dunno.. )

While i’m driving to Midvalley to meet Ms. “Name-I-should-not-say-here-coz-she-know-who-she-is” or Ms. L (bukan nama sebenar), and having a lot of time for myself, I’ve been thinking a lot of things apart from cursing jammed at Federal Highway… Suddenly, I realize my hands typing some kind of SMS to someone.. but I just can’t remember who. Looking back at that SMS, it sounds like this :

“Sayang, sayang xnak baby ke?”

Damn! Send it to Mr Hubby. Suddenly I think my subconscious mind do what it has to do… Yes, I’ve been thinking a lot of things recently, but this is definitely not in the picture, AT ALL COST! The reason is simple. As per what Doctor has consulted me previously a month before I get married, I’m not fit enough to have a baby at the 1st or 2nd year of marriage, and the most ultimate, power holding or you call what ever you want to call it, I’m not ready. There, I say it out loud.

Seems like, I’m not good with kids. Maybe, I donno… Or it’s just my feeling.

Having a child of your own is a big responsibility. You can’t do it by yourself, it takes me and my spouse together all the way. But rather somehow, I have a BIG hesitation bout this. Don’t get me wrong, I got a very wonderful husband that you can’t imagine at all. It’s just, I can’t see things going to workout with both of us. But out of sudden, at the same time, I’ve been thinking, we not getting any younger, maybe it’s time for me to start a family.

While my parents and my in law’s never ask me at all (I think maybe they do understand this has to do with my sickness, thus they never ask anything about this) there’s also 1 thing that come to my intention. Its almost 3 years now, and he didn’t even once mention bout this. It’s have been a big question mark for myself. Does he ready? Do he ever think bout this? Why he doesn’t want to discuss bout this with me? Bla bla bla… All of things, 1 question after another come and come and come.

Seems like, I’ve to discuss 1 by 1 with Mr Hubby, otherwise I wont get the answer I’m looking for.

If you ask what is the answer of that SMS, what can I say is, it’s a good respond.

Well, maybe this is a best time for me to have a family. Maybe this is the sign that I’m ready.

The force has spoken! Haha…

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Hm… quite sometimes that I didn’t update my blog am i? heard from a friend, to start a blog its easy, to maintain it will be hard, plus dont think so somebody or someone would read it aigh?

Let see, what should i write now? hm… no story at all. But i do did something today. I watch movie.. cerita ape? Pisau Cukur, quite hilarious, cynical, very very cynical. my husband very seldom watch malay movie, but, not this one. bila dia kata ok tu, maknenye mmg ok la tu.

a lot of people have been ask me few times bout my house warming. im so sorry i didnt do it last raya, seems like me and my hubby so busy in regards our work for whole month. me myself cant find perfect time to do it, so i think maybe it will happen anytime soon, well, do depends to my hubby availability!

nothing much happen in life nowadays, other than been stuck in lift for about 1/2 hour. damn… seriously, if you stuck in lift with another 12 people with you, so stuff and suffocated, no air, so hot, what would you think, what would you do? damn… frankly speaking, im thinking of dying, yup… for… 1st 15 minutes….

thank god someone in that lift had a same experience ( what a bad luck! ), as me not to panic… when u panic, sure you will think something that you not suppose to think. well, i do agree coz the 1st 15 minutes i’ve been thinking what happen if this lift fall down and i died? huauhauhauha……..

oo… ok.. my classmate getting married this end of the month, another yet to come this december, this year is a marriage season eh? oh, my darkthrone friend getting married this end of the month also, me and my hubby will attend this wedding ( kalau xde aral sampai la.)

tgh tgk2 page bakal pengantin, ternampak satu nama yg macam aku kenal tak kenal… then i take a look at that page, o god… its my schoolmate. i search and search and search, i found out my school page. and a lot of people there. the issue is, im not sure weather should i get in touch with them or shouldnt.

its just, something that i hate and i didnt want to meet for the rest of my life. i dont think so i do have good memory bout this school as well as the people there. i’ve been married for almost 2 1/2 years now, as far as i concern, few of them i do invited to my wedding, and also, few of them do show up.

its not something that im proud of, hating my own school, my own friends. its just not a good memory. thats all. well, memory dont last long, including this…

what am i doing now? its late.


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A Lala Land Week…

Minggu ni byk benda berlaku… Seminggu yg penuh dengan color.. macam macam kaler… kaler biru.. kaler hijau.. kaler kuning…. sume kaler ade…

not much on monday… selasa pegi med check up… rabu yg byk keje… khamis yg bosan… jumaat yg exited… sabtu yg sangat tensen…

aku berbuka dengan family aku few days before… a few times…. and 1 day, abang aku hantar aku balik ke rumah… alang2 dah umah dkat2 kan… lepas berbuka dia anta la aku balik… aku cakap ngan dia yg aku nak sambung stadi.. and actually im seriously eager to continue study…

aku nak study TESL…aku nak sangat jadi cikgu… but the issue here… im not in teaching league.. aku tak mengajar… jadi aku akan bazirkan masa aku  study to get those paper and then spend another 1-2 years to find job as teacher…  aku takleh nak menfaatkan paper yg aku ade…

nak amik pro cert? nope.. work nature aku skrg ni takde pape yg membolehkan aku amik any pro cert… waste time lagi… sekarang aku in admin / management… aku nak study ape? DBA? its all paper base.. i cant study only on paper base..

memikirkan pasal ni… aku jadi totally down within second… ape yg abg aku ckp tu betui jgk…takkan aku nak bazirkan masa aku 5 to 7 years… itu yg pertama….

aku nak sangat sambung study… actually a rephase balik ayat tu… aku nak sangat jadik cikgu… tu sebab aku nak kena stadi….

aku plak dah seminggu looking forward to bukak pose kat bagan lalang… tak tecapai jgk ari ni… lagi la aku tensen…. mmg tensen gile…

skrg ni aku kalau dengar org nak sambung stadi je… aku jadik touching semacam… bleh nangis siot…. series…. aku nak sgt sambung stadi.. dalam hidup aku ni sebenarnye org tgk aku mcm tinggal dlm lala land… but actually byk bende yg aku nak aku tak xdpt… samada…. org ckp tak boleh… jgn buat… bukan skarang….. aku takleh nak buat pilihan aku sendri walaupun aku rasa aku mampu nak buat pilihan sendri….

raya? aku dah takde mood langsung nak raya… raya la kat mane pun… same je… kalau aku ckp A, ade org lain ckp B… last2 aku yg sakit hati…. lagi aku ckp… lagi aku lost… so aku just ikut je la… selama ni pun aku ikut je… so what’s the different is it?

btw, this ramadhan is so not happening…. im just…. im not sure….

enough said…

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